Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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