she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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