Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
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Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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