In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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