I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize