I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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