I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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