his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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