If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize