my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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