He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize