Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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