i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she peed on how many people?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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