peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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