this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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