Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize