Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize