if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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