if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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