so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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