fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
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If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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