***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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