did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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