I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize