I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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