I'm going to jail i love you
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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