I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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