oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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