Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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