Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize