It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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