You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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