when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
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I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize