if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
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does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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