Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
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So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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