I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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