Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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