It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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