I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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