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hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
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