I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
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I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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