Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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