i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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