i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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