i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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