I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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