The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize