Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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