i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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