Pappa wants mamma naked
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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